Friday, 29 April 2016

British Heroes: Civil War

Many years ago, when superhero franchises were young, I assembled a team of British heroes as a counterpart to Marvel's The Avengers. Now that those guys are back and fighting amongst themselves in Captain America: Civil War, I thought it would be fun to update this idea and ask: 'which British team of heroes could win in a fight?'

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Team Doctor and Team Sherlock!

Let's see how they do when they go toe-to-toe with each other...

Harry Potter Vs. Merlin

Of course, the Doctor is friends with Harry Potter (remember his shedding a tear at Deathly Hallows in 'The Shakespeare Code'?). Meanwhile, Merlin is on Team Sherlock because, um, well, because I say so.

Their magical melee is quite evenly matched, as both are talented wizards. Merlin might be the greatest sorcerer of all time, but Harry managed to defeat the darkest wizard ever. Things are tight until, at the last moment, Harry whips out the invincible Elder Wand and defeats Merlin.

Team Doctor wins!

River Song Vs. Agent Carter 

When the Doctor's wife and Captain America's lost love (she's from an American franchise but, make no mistake, Peggy Carter is as British as a bulldog) come to blows it is a very close call, as both are very formidable fighters and skillful shooters. If this was Time Lord psychopath River she might have the advantage but this is the older version so, nope, no one can beat the other.

Team Doctor and Team Sherlock draw!

(If you're wondering, Peggy Carter is on Team Sherlock due to the detective and her sharing connections with the British secret service The same goes for one of our next pair...)

Captain Jack Harkness Vs. James Bond 

Finally. The world's two most dashing, lethal and not to mention immortal government agents go at it to prove who is the best.

The duo's duel at dawn is a close one, but there can only be one outcome. James Bond never dies whereas Jack pops his clogs all the time (he just gets better afterwards), Therefore, 007 must win this one - no doubt shooting off a quip as he shoots Jack down. Soon afterwards, though, Jack is back on his feet and the two go off to enjoy an entirely different rendezvous. But that's a story for another time...

Team Sherlock wins!

The Doctor Vs. Sherlock 

Here's the big one - although it isn't a slug match like the rest. These two great minds decide to test their mettle in a much more cerebral challenge - board games. Which ones? Operation and Cluedo, obviously!

Cluedo does not go well, as Sherlock maintains that the murder victim killed himself while the Doctor claims he doesn't need to work out the killer because he can just go back in time and save Dr Black. Things descend into argument.

Operation is equally tense, as Sherlock effortlessly removes the spanner without making the board buzz while the Doctor coaxes out the butterfly with ease. However, just as the final move is being made, the pair suddenly bond over how their mothers have the same name  they are both written by Steven Moffat. Instead of finishing the game, the Doctor and Sherlock team up to defeat an evil union between Moriarty and Missy.

So there you have it, Team Doctor and Team Sherlock draw! Who would have thunk it...

Next week: Beano V Dandy: Dawn of Menace 

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